


Caught

by xxMad_Donaxx



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Assault, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Name-Calling, Non-Consensual Bondage, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-11 13:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2069934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the first fight in Kirkwall Lee Hawke is taken to the Gallows. This is his story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If I continue this the rating and warning will change.
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Implied Rape/Non-con**

I don’t blame Mother even though coming here was her suggestion. We didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. I should have let the guards take care of those men but I didn’t. He was alone. He was grateful at least. The Templars didn’t care a whit that I helped him. I’ve never been so glad that I take after Father before. They just hauled me off, left my family and Aveline be.

First they stuck me in the dungeon for Maker knows how long. Then I was taken to a large chamber and forced into the Fade without so much as a word of what I was supposed to be doing. I killed a rage demon and a desire demon before I woke with a Templar standing over me. First Enchanter Orsino told me later it was the quickest harrowing he’d ever seen.

The Gallows looked foreboding from the outside. It’s much worse from the inside. Besides the bars covering every window the tiny cell you sleep in is locked every night. That would almost be a blessing if most of the high ranking Templars didn’t all have a key. I haven’t received a night visit but I know some of the mages here who have. The Templars in Lothering were downright pleasant compared to some of these people.

It’s taken me most of a year to find out that Mother, Carver and Aveline made it into the city. Carver had to work for some mercenary outfit. Aveline took a position as guardsman. I don’t know what’s happened since. I don’t want to write Mother or Carver. The Templars look through your letters and I don’t want them being watched. I found out through Aveline. I hope they know I’m alright.

Since I don’t have the temperament for teaching or the patience for research I’ve been working in the library. It’s mostly drudgery. Shelving books, keeping the card catalogue organized, helping apprentices find a book, things like that. It’s boring but I don’t have to put up with too many Templars following me around. I am watched though. I’m too vocal.

The mages here are clearly divided. Neither group actually liked me to begin with. I refuse to lick boots, steel or leather. Those that believe we deserve this treatment still don’t like me. I don’t much care even though I’ve taken a few beatings for them. The other group though, I don’t care for them. Some of them are too willing to do anything it takes.

There’s one Enchanter though, from Ferelden like me. He told me that I sort of remind him of someone he knew at the circle there. I don’t look anything like this fellow Karl has told me about. He’s tall, skinny, blonde, amber eyes, with a narrow chin and long nose. I’m a tall stocky redhead with grey eyes a square jaw and I’ve had my nose broken twice now. Karl says that we share a passionate hatred for the Circle of Magi and anything related to the Chantry.

Karl Thekla must have a soft spot for young headstrong mages. He’s made this place almost bearable. Each time I’ve been beaten he’s been the one who healed me. We talk quietly at mealtimes and sometimes in the library. I tell him how much I hate it here and he doesn’t try to sooth or mollify me. He agrees but urges me to have patience. There are people on the outside who know what we suffer.

I know he’s been exchanging notes with someone. For my safety he won’t tell me anything. He’s caught the attention of Alrik, one of the worst Templars in the Gallows besides perhaps the Knight-Commander. I haven’t seen Karl all day and I fear something’s happened to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Physical Abuse**

“Have you seen Karl?” I ask Paula quietly.

She’s next to me as we walk to the cafeteria for supper. Paula feels similar about the circle but she’s quiet about it. Teaching the children here to respect themselves is important and she can’t do that from the dungeons or the infirmary. Her thin lips are pulled down at the corners and her eyes are frightened when she glances at me.

“Tray saw him being taken below this morning,” she whispers.

I nod in acknowledgement and we continue in silence. The dungeons mean one of two things and neither bodes well for Karl. There’s nothing I can do though. By now he’s either been branded or he’s nursing bruises and broken bones in the infirmary. After supper I check but he’s not there. I go to bed angry.

My fears are made fact the next morning. I’m not even completely dressed when they barge into my cell first thing. With my robes half buttoned and no boots two Templars haul me to the dungeons. Their gauntlets dig into my arms and my feet are cold by the time I’m shoved onto a stool in a dark room deep below. There’s nothing else in the room besides a few torches scattered around. My escorts stand behind me, their gauntlets now digging into my shoulders.

A Silence cuts me off from the Fade and Alrik emerges from the shadows. His eyes are cold and his smile small and creepy. “Good morning Lee,” he says softly.

I snort but remain quiet. His smile falters for a moment and he steps closer.

“You often associate with Karl Thekla?” asks Alrik almost politely.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” I reply. “You branded him yesterday didn’t you.”

Pain spreads as one of the Templars behind me punches my side. They don’t let me curl up, their hands on my shoulders holding me upright. Alrik is frowning now and I can’t help the sneer I aim at him. He gestures and my other kidney is bruised.

“What did he tell you of the apostate Anders?” Alrik asks coldly.

“Stories from Ferelden,” I wheeze. “You know he didn’t tell me what those notes were about.”

“You need to be respectful, Lee,” he says backing away. “What did he tell you?”

“Make him tell you.”

Alrik sighs and shakes his head. He gestures at the Templars behind me again and backs away into the shadows. I know what’s coming and I brace for it. They shove me forward and I curl up on the floor while they kick. I never fight back. That would only earn me the brand. I try to stay quiet as their feet dig into my soft abdomen but groans escape anyway.

My breath comes in little gasps that hurt by the time they back away. Alrik kneels in front of me and I pull my legs in closer trying to protect what’s already bruised and aching. He voice is full of mocking sympathy when he speaks.

“Just tell me what you know and we can avoid this unpleasantness.”

“Blight take you.”

His voice is still mocking but sad rather than sympathetic now. “Very well.”

The kicking continues when he walks away. Eventually I lose consciousness and wake in the infirmary. The fury I feel is very welcome. Despite the ache of bruises I’m almost happy to see the disapproving frown of the healer, Miriam. That it isn’t Karl standing over me is proof enough that I’m right. My robes are around my waist and there are bandages plastered all over what I can see. At least it’s easier to breathe.

“You’re going to get yourself killed one of these days,” she says quietly.

“Better dead than branded,” I mutter.

Her frown deepens and she steps away. “You’re free to go. You’ll catch the end of lunch if you hurry. Come back tonight and someone will change the bandages.”

I merely nod as I sit up, stiff and wincing. Miriam walks away and I slowly work my arms back into the robes. It’s buttoned when I slide off of the exam table. My boots are still in my room and I head there first, slow and stiff. There won’t be any lunch for me today so I head for the library next. I don’t think I could eat anything anyway.

The Templars watch openly and the mages I pass watch surreptitiously. Some of the mages appear indifferent to my slow shuffling steps but there is also fear, sympathy and anger on a few faces as I pass. I’m not stopped on the way. I feel the stares following me but I walk with my head up. I’m not ashamed of what I am and I won’t act like it.

Mharen frowns as I approach the desk. “Oh Lee,” she whispers sadly. “What did you do this time?”

“Nothing,” I reply. “They don’t need an excuse to beat the life out of someone.”

“Lee.” Her gaze darts to the Templars at the doorway.

“I see them. I just don’t care.”

I grab a couple of books off the stack and head for the shelves, Mharen’s disapproving gaze following me. The day drags on while the Templars watch. No one else asks what happened. It wouldn’t be the first time I provoked attention away from a mage who couldn’t take a pounding. I never thought I’d be grateful for all those fist fights with Carver.

It isn’t until supper that someone else brings up the fact I missed breakfast and lunch. Paula sits next to me on the bench, intent on her tray. “What did they want?” she asks as she dips a roll into her stew.

“Ask me about an apostate Karl told me about. Can’t imagine why. I couldn’t tell them anything he didn’t.”

“Karl?”

“I haven’t seen him.” I glance over at her and aim a scowl at my bowl at her indifferent appearance. “Pretty sure he’s Tranquil.”

“Maker have mercy,” she mutters sadly after a moment.

“If the Maker had any mercy every Templar would drop dead this instant,” I hiss furiously.

There’s no reply. We continue eating and I leave first, dropping my tray at the return station and head back to the infirmary.


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes it can take a while for news from outside to filter in. We found out Karl had been found dead in the Chantry, surrounded by dead Templars a few days later. No one knew quite what had happened to any of them but Alrik was fit to be tied. His minions watch me closely. If that news hadn’t been bad enough Mharen disappeared shortly after. There were also whispers among the younger Templars that recruits were vanishing.

While I couldn't care less about the Templars disappearing, the news of Karl’s fate and Mharen’s disappearance affected me. I’m glad someone killed Karl. Tranquility is most mage’s greatest fear. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t want to live like that. There are a great many rumors about Mharen though.

No one believes that she managed to escape. It’s also hard to believe that she’s been carted away by a Templar for some reason. She was one of the older mages, content with being locked up but not one of the hardcore we are sin incarnate believers. She’s well liked here, kind to nearly everyone. Her phylactery was followed to a dead end in Lowtown. One of the Templars still looking for her has questioned me more than once.

I took over her station at the desk, mostly so the Templars at the door can keep a closer watch on me I think. The regular bucket heads have been replaced by Alrik’s toadies. I have no idea what they think I know but he’s pretty intent on finding out. There haven’t been any more visits but I suppose that’s only a matter of time.

Days passed in a blur of blessed regularity. Before I knew a month had passed. Mharen was still missing, Alrik still watched and more recruits disappeared. Tension was increasing among the Templars which spelled trouble for every mage in the Gallows. We walk on egg shells and still manage to incur their wrath. I’ve only been in the infirmary once since Alrik’s goons worked me over though.

It’s been slow in the library today. Having kept track of who has what book for a month now I appreciate how easy Mharen made it look. I’ve found a few records that don’t make sense and I’ve been trying to figure them out. The Templar that comes up to the desk is almost a welcome distraction. I see that it’s the one who’s been looking for Mharen and his expression is sad.

“Can I help you Ser?” I ask in the politest tone I can muster.

“You seemed fond of Mharen and I thought you should know her fate,” he says. “She has been murdered.”

“Murdered?” My shock overwhelms my irritation for the moment. “How?”

“A young man helped with my investigation. He found a bag of bones, a severed hand.” Emeric’s expression turns thoughtful and he stares at my face. “You sort of remind me of him. You’re last name is…”

“Please stop!”

The words echo throughout the nearly empty library, angry and frightened at the same time. The distraction is very welcome and I stand as Emeric turns. Without saying anything I lead the Templar to where the voice came from. Rena, a mousy little mage with an affinity for fire and a temper to match, took over my position when I was put on the desk. She was at the catalogue since no one wants to read today.

I round a book shelf to the cabinet in roughly the middle of the room. Rena has been backed against it, a Templar in front of her his hands pinning her shoulders. She’s glaring fiercely at a scruffy looking blonde, her normally neat bun in disarray and her hands clenched into fists at her side. He sneers and leans closer.

“I believe she said stop,” I snarl stepping forward.

His sneer turns in my direction and I glare back. Emeric rounds the shelf and shoots me a disapproving look before turning his gaze at the blonde.

“Ser Karras,” Emeric says harshly.

Rena moves away quickly when the scruffy Templar slowly turns to face Emeric. His sneer doesn’t change. Without uttering a word Karras walks casually away towards the library entrance. Emeric follows him with something close to a glare.

“Are you all right?” I ask turning to Rena standing next to me.

“Fine,” she huffs.

Her expression can only be described as grateful irritation. I gesture at the cabinet and she nods, tucking stray strands of hair back into the bun. Rena steps forward and continues going through the cards like she hadn’t just avoided being molested. We’ll both wonder if Karras has a key to the cells for quite a while.

I sit back at the desk and to avoid thinking of a Templar visiting my cell in the middle of the night, I turn my thoughts back to Emeric. It isn’t the news of Mharen’s death I focus on. I knew there was little chance of her being returned at this point. It’s what he was going to ask. I’m positive he was going to ask if my last name was Hawke. I can’t imagine that’s common in the Free Marches even this close to Ferelden.

We came to Kirkwall because my mother grew up here. Her brother Gamlen still lives here. She was a noble before she eloped with Father to Ferelden. Aveline wasn’t too specific but the Amell estate no longer belongs to an Amell. The last I heard Mother and Carver were living in Lowtown with Gamlen. I can’t help but wonder what Carver’s been up to.

After a while I focus on the papers in front of me, trying to figure out who has a couple of books from the restricted section. The library is still quiet but I’m interrupted again not too much later. Solivitus, a Formari with a stand in the courtyard, clears his throat to get my attention. I look up and he pushes a book at me, pulling the very corner of a slip of paper out from among the pages.

“I’m just returning this,” he says cheerfully. “It’s been very helpful.”

I pull the book closer and nod. He turns away after the paper is tucked away in a pocket. The book on rare plants starts a pile to be shelved but the note stays in my pocket until I’m alone in my cell later that night. Huddled in a corner of my bed facing away from the door I pull my thin blanket over my head and summon a wisp to read it.

_Lee Hawke,_

_Karl Thekla told me quite a bit about you. I have also learned about you from your brother. If you’re willing to help us we may be able to free some of you. Do not reply. I will contact you again._

_A._

Feeling a bit stunned I read through the note twice more before incinerating it. I believe I know who A. is and Alrik watching me suddenly makes more sense. I fall asleep wondering how the apostate Karl spoke of fondly knows Carver.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Rape/Non-con, threats of bodily disfigurement, demeaning name calling**

A few days later I discover that Karras doesn’t have a key to our cells. I also discover that he doesn’t need one to get what he wants. I bathe in the mornings before breakfast. The baths are usually more crowded at night but there are enough mages here that they don’t really stay empty. I’m aware of someone behind me as I walk back to my room for clean clothes. There’s no clank of armor so I’m very surprised when I’m shoved into my room.

He silences me followed quickly by a smite. I stumble and fall to my hands and knees. I hear the door shut and moments later I’m yanked semi-upright by my hair. My arm is twisted behind my back painfully but I still try to jerk away from the breath I can feel on my ear.

“Keep it up,” he says eagerly. “I like it when mages squirm.”

Despite my size he man handles me easily. He drags me until my chest is across my bed. Finally he lets go of my hair but my other arm is wrenched behind my back. I turn my head to the side and that’s when I see that my assailant is Karras. I glare at him and he sneers back. Instead of plate he’s wearing leather. My arms are held firmly in one hand, my shoulders already throbbing painfully, as he lifts my nightshirt.

“I have to leave soon but I didn’t want you to think I’d forgotten your disrespect.”

I try to free myself from his grip but he pushes harder. My small clothes are yanked down and he pulls the laces on his pants.

“Bastard,” I snarl.

“Maybe we can do this proper next time.” Karras frees his prick and spits on his hand. “This is all you get now. I’m in a hurry. No noise.” His voice is a quiet growl and he pushes on my arms. “Squirm all you like though.”

Without warning his dick is pushed into my arse. I gasp and take a mouthful of blanket. The burning pain is tremendous as he stands over me, thrusting. His hands are locked around my wrists keeping my arms behind me. It’s hard not to fight this but if that’s what he wants I won’t let him have it. I close my eyes tightly and grind my teeth against my blanket.

Still buried in my arse he yanks me sort of upright and thrusts hard. I whimper and my muscles clench. I wiggle to try and dislodge him but his grip on my wrists tightens. It doesn’t take much of this before he grunts and the motion finally stops.

“Good boy,” Karras says mockingly.

He lets go of my arms and I fall back to the bed. I shudder as he pulls out completely, moving my arms to ease the pain in my shoulders. Karras smacks my arse and I bury my face into the mattress.

“I’ll be back precious.” He grips my hips and pulls me away from the bed. I feel his hands gripping my sack. “Your ass belongs to me now. Tell anyone…” I groan and jerk slightly as he squeezes my balls. “I’ll turn you into a real bitch.”

He smacks my arse again and finally his hands disappear. I don’t move until I hear the door shut. Curled up on the floor of my room I wait, shaking with fear and anger, for the silence to wear off. When it does I heal the damage he did to my arse and the ache in my shoulders fades a little.

While most of the other mages are eating breakfast I slowly haul myself back to the baths. The other late comers ignore me and I ignore them as well. When I sink into the water I heat it to nearly scalding and wash again. My skin is red when I don my nightshirt once more and walk back to my room. I dress repeating words Father said often. My magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base.

These words continue to run through my head as I make my way to the library. I meet with Rena on the way and nod politely, ignoring her odd look. The morning drags on and I focus on my work trying not to think of Karras and what I’d like to do to him. Alrik’s thugs at the door stoke my anger but Father’s words are a constant mantra in the back of my mind. Rena continues to give me odd looks throughout the morning.

“Are you all right?” she finally asks softly just before lunch.

“Fine,” I reply immediately without looking up from the desk. My voice is little more than a soft snarl.

She leans in closer with a glance at the Templars guarding the doorway. “You don’t look fine.”

Karras isn’t a constant presence in the Gallows. He’s a hunter. After my experience this morning I feel very sorry for any apostate he brings in. I don’t know if he’ll go through with his threat but I’m not about to find out. I look up and smile. It’s tight and small. My voice is slightly calmer though.

“I’m all right.”

Rena is quiet as she glances at the Templars again. After a moment she nods slowly. She straightens and grabs a book from the stack. “Walk with me to the cafeteria?”

The last thing I want is company but I keep the smile on my face and nod. “Sure. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

Her smile is just as tight before she walks away. I can’t help but wonder if she figured it out. Even knowing that Karras chose to violate me over her I probably would have done the same thing a few days ago. Rena won’t say anything even if she does think he paid me a nighttime visit. Not many in the Gallows are willing to become targets.

Nothing will be done about Karras just like nothing has been done about Alrik or any of the other volatile, manipulative or power hungry Templars. It only feeds my fury. The walk to the cafeteria is silent as well as the walk back. My anger doesn’t fade throughout the rest of the day or the next. Only Father’s lessons and his important mantra keep me from succumbing to the rage and desire demons that pester me constantly.

I see Karras in one of the hallways two mornings after he raped me. His smirk is smug and he rubs his crotch in a subtle but obscene manner. I glare back and take note of the pack at his feet. I can only hope he doesn’t want one for the road but I refuse to hurry. For the rest of the day I try to say around others hoping they will be a deterrent. I don’t see him again and I lay awake that night hoping he meets a grisly death at where ever he ends up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feynriel did not get sent to the Gallows. Merrill convinced Carver to take him to the Dalish.
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Rape/Non-con**

A little over a week after Karras’ visit one of the missing recruits actually shows up. Rumors run rampant for a few days and another missing recruit comes back. Knight-Captain Cullen shows up in the library the very same day the second recruit turns up.

My first thoughts are panicky. I haven’t uttered a word to anyone about Karras. I’m pretty sure Rena has guessed what happened though. She gives me sad, guilty looks when she thinks I can’t see and her temper has been a little shorter than normal with the Templars. Seeing Cullen walk through the doors, heading straight for the desk, I’m positive that she went to him and now he wants my arse too.

“Lee Hawke?” he says evenly.

“Yes Ser?” My voice is rough and the smile I manage turns the corners of his mouth down.

“You have relatives in Kirkwall?” Cullen asks after a moment of scrutiny.

It sounds more statement than question. My panicky thoughts turn in an entirely different direction. I remember Emeric almost asking about my last name. They were in such a hurry to get me locked up when I was captured no one thought to ask about the people I was with. If Carver has had dealings with the Templars there’s no point in denying it. We share the same parents, the same name and despite his black hair and blue eyes we do share a few facial features.

“Yes Ser.” My hesitation causes his frown to deepen a bit. “My mother, Leandra Hawke, my brother Carver and an Uncle I’ve never met.”

“No others?”

“Not that I know of, Ser.”

“Thank you,” he says politely.

Cullen walks briskly to the doorway. Alrik’s thugs salute as he passes and start whispering to each other the second he’s gone. I scowl at them a moment and turn back to the papers in front of me. There’s nothing I can do but hope they won’t be harassed.

More days flow by and the Templars all seem a bit more relaxed. Most of us are still careful to avoid attention however. My experience with Karras has made me a little more cautious about poking my nose into other’s affairs but I still end up in the infirmary a couple of times during the next month. Gradually my anger gets easier to deal with and the demons bother me less. The more normal I seem Rena gives me less of those guilty looks.

With Karras still gone I start thinking of the note a bit more. Solivitus isn’t a constant presence in the library but he’s there at irregular intervals. He’s usually in the botany section. Sometimes he checks out a book and other times he just sits at one of the desks and flips through until he’s found whatever he was looking for.

Since the first note came through him I expect another one might as well. I watch and wait. He’s as cheerful and friendly as he always was but there’s no indication that A. has passed him another message for me. I don’t dare say anything with Alrik still watching me. All I can do is continue to wait.

I know they day I’ve dreaded since he left has finally arrived when I’m woken from a sound sleep. I’m already silenced when he shoves me to my stomach, a hand planted in the middle of my back and the other pushing my head into the pillow. My arms are trapped under me and I struggle but Karras only presses harder.

“Miss me precious?” he asks softly.

“No.”

He chuckles darkly and a knee replaces the hand at my back. The blanket is flung away, my nightshirt pushed up and my small clothes yanked down to my knees. I snarl softly as Karras digs around between my legs. The snarl turns quickly into a whimper when he finds my balls.

“Much better. Hands behind your back.”

With a tight grip on my sack his weight disappears. My gut already aches from his squeezing and he yanks for emphasis. I scoot backwards a little with another whimper and quickly follow orders. Nothing changes for a moment and I turn my head to the side. Karras has a small length of rope in his hand and my arms are moved so that they are across my back. While holding my arms still he straddles my legs and finally he lets go of my balls.

“We have time now,” he says wrapping the rope around my forearms. “I can take my time, break you in proper.”

I test the rope when he lets go. My arms move a little but not much. I can feel a hand on my arse and I try to roll. Karras chuckles again and I feel him shifting positions. Something cold lands between my cheeks and seconds later a finger is shoved into my hole.

“No,” I moan.

“Your ass is mine,” he growls possessively. “I’ll have it whenever I want it now.”

Moments later he pushes his cock into me. Like before it’s one hard thrust. His arm appears in front of my face and some of his weight settles. He begins rocking and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to roll or get my knees under me to buck him off. The rocking continues and my efforts only seem to increase the panting I hear. Wanting him gone anyway possible I double my efforts. Even then it takes longer for him to finish than it did before. Karras thrusts hard a few times and collapses on top of me, his breath harsh in my ear.

“Get off,” I grunt after a minute.

“I give the orders precious,” he replies in a soft dangerous snarl.

“Hard to breath…I can’t squirm if…I’m dead.”

He snorts derisively but pushes up to sit on my legs. I shudder when his prick leaves me. Silently he stands and my small clothes are pulled off completely. He uses them to wipe whatever it was he slicked up with and drops them on the floor. My arms are untied after he tucks himself away. I curl up facing the wall, my hands fisted close to my head.

“If you’re wearing small clothes next time I’ll take you dry again,” Karras says smacking my arse.

“I hate you.”

“Good night precious.”

I lay awake long after I hear the door close. The demons waiting for me when I finally do fall asleep take the brunt of my anger. At breakfast the next morning I find out that he’d brought in a group of mages from Starkhaven the previous day. They had escaped during the journey but he had recovered most of them. The Knight-Commander wasn’t very happy that a few had gotten away and I doubt that Karras got the key to the cells from her. It doesn’t matter how he obtained it, he has it and he’s already used it.

In the library I do my best to act normal. I’ve never been very cheerful here and most don’t give me a second look. Rena looks a little worried though she doesn’t say anything. I focus on getting through the day without advertising the fact I’ve been raped twice now and it will likely happen again. There’s nothing I can do and no one I can turn to. One of my only options to end his visits will also be my end one way or another. The only option I have that won’t immediately end in my death is escape.


	6. Chapter 6

Since I really don’t want a repeat of the first encounter I stop wearing small clothes altogether. It’s going to take a while to get used to but it proves to be a good decision only two days later. Karras escorted me from the cafeteria to an empty classroom after lunch. I spent the rest of the day in the library trying not to squirm at the desk and ignoring the looks Rena gives me.

Solivitus passes me another note the next morning. Instead of waiting for nightfall, it’s too dangerous now that Karras invites himself in whenever he wants, I go to the privy. Its contents are simple but mysterious.

_L._

_Two days from now go to the first classroom in the hall leading to the dungeons after supper._

_A._

I spend the next two days trying to figure out how to avoid being seen by Alrik’s eyes and ears and hoping Karras won’t come searching for me. The days drag by uneventfully and thankfully the nights are just as uneventful. I hurry through supper half hoping it will be my last meal in the Gallows. A. mentioned a way to free some of us and I plan on asking him to get me out.

The classroom is empty when I arrive. There were no Templars following me and I hide behind a cabinet to wait. It may have been only a few minutes or half an hour I stood there anxiously watching the door and wondering what was going to happen. I honestly have no idea. My heart speeds up when the door finally does open. I bite my lip to hold in a sigh of relief when a mage walks through the door.

His robes look standard issue, his blonde hair a short shaggy mess that hangs in his eyes and the scruff on his jaw is a darker color than the hair on his head. He cautiously closes the door and turns, eyes darting around the room. The mage mostly matches the description Karl gave me. I step into view and his eyes lock onto mine.

“Lee Hawke?” he says softly.

Feeling a little stunned I merely nod.

“My name is Anders. Karl mentioned you a few times, your willingness to help.”

“How did you get in?” I ask taking a step forward.

“The same way we’ll sneak mages out. We need someone on the inside we can trust though. Someone who knows the schedules and can talk to the mages without raising suspicions.”

“And you want me to be your informant,” I say flatly. A bitter bark of laughter escapes me and I look to the floor, my hands gripping fistfuls of my skirts. “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do.”

“I know it’s dangerous,” Anders says calmly. “We’ll…”

“The first time I saw Karl Thekla was after a beating I took that probably would have killed the intended target,” I whisper fiercely. “I’ve done it several more times since. Danger doesn’t bother me.”

Anders frowns and takes a step away from the door. “Is it Alrik?”

I hadn’t thought of him and I groan softly. Alrik will make communication extremely difficult and dangerous in a way I’m not that willing to chance. My thoughts had been focused on a single layer of material over my arse. If I agree to help Anders help other mages escape I’ll be consigning myself to becoming Karras’ fuck toy with only the hope of a horrible accident to end it.

“Lee…” he says sounding concerned.

“Give me a moment,” I reply quietly.

My thoughts turn back to Karl as silence descends. He was a harrowed mage, supposedly immune from having the Rite of Tranquility used on him. How long will it take before Alrik tires of this waiting game and uses the brand on me to get the answers he wants? How many of the mages here have been beaten nearly to death for ridiculous reasons? How many have been raped? How many could I save from this horrible place? I wouldn’t have hesitated to agree before Karras took a liking to me. Despite the dangers Alrik presents I would have agreed to help Anders instantly.

“If I need out,” I ask looking up at him. “Will you help me escape?”

“Absolutely,” he says without hesitation. “You have my word.”

I’ve never seen anyone make a promise with such solemn seriousness. Slowly I nod. “I’ll help you.”

“Thank you,” Anders says gratefully.

“How will I contact you?”

“Solivitus is our only way at the moment. We’re working on different methods though.”

“I’m mostly in the library if that helps. When do we start?”

“It might take a week or two. You’ll receive a note when we’re ready.”

That gives me enough time to hopefully figure out a way to get Alrik’s attention pointed elsewhere. I nod again and step forward holding out my hand. Anders grips my wrist and I grip his.

“Will you give Carver a message?” I ask before letting go. Anders nods and I continue. “Tell him to be careful. They know he’s my brother.”

“I’ll tell him,” he says with that same serious expression. “You leave first.”

I take a deep breath and nod. I listen at the door for a moment before stepping out. My hopes of escaping Karras may be dashed but the hope that I can save someone else from this fate keeps my head high. I already know the first person I’ll send them. Rena probably knows what Karras has been doing. If I had let Emeric deal with him she’d be the one in his sights. I still don’t think she’ll say anything but one less worry will be welcome. Avoiding Tranquility and figuring out how to deal with being a Templar plaything is quite enough.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: mild torture**
> 
>  
> 
> Along with all the other things that have already been mentioned. Poor Hawke. =(

In the next ten days Karras visits my room three times. Each time I wake by a hand covering my mouth, silenced. My arms are tied like they were the second time. I was ordered on my stomach twice and draped over the bed once. I discovered that if I don’t squirm enough for his liking he inflicts pain, squeezing my balls while he thrusts as hard as he can. I wiggled plenty but it was difficult to stay quiet.

He doesn’t linger afterwards which I’m very grateful for. There’s always a slap on the arse, sometimes two or three, along with some demeaning praise. I start using my useless small clothes to clean up his mess afterwards. I suppose I should feel grateful that he isn’t very adventurous but I’m still having a hard time dealing with being used in the first place.

It’s his possessiveness that gives me an idea about how I might get rid of Alrik. Being groped by passing Templars is uncommon but not unheard of. Unless the mage wants a few bruises to go along with being felt up, you ignore it and move on quickly. It hadn’t happened to me before Karras. I would have likely ended up in the infirmary after a stint in solitary if it had. Now, I shuddered at the hand grabbing my arse on the way by and walked a little faster.

Little did I know at the time Karras saw the whole thing. He showed up that night and the day after a few of the Templars in the halls gave me plenty of room. I don’t know what Karras did or said to the groper but it obviously left an impression on some of the witnesses. If I give Karras the idea that Alrik wants my arse, I’m hoping he’ll get territorial again. It disgusts me that I’m resorting to protection from my rapist. If Karras wants to keep me squirmy however he’ll want Alrik’s attention elsewhere which is exactly what I need. Until Karras shows up again there’s little I can do but wait and hope Anders’ group needs a bit more time.

While I wait for Karras to get horny I start watching the other mages. Any mage I send to Anders will have to be able to survive in the world outside. Because I’ve been an apostate my whole life I know what traits are necessary. Some of the mages here would be overwhelmed in a day by the lack of rigid structure. The ability to adapt to a life of running and hiding will be crucial. It won’t do any good to free them if they’re caught again within a fortnight.

I can only hope Anders has a way to deal with phylacteries. Getting them out of the Free Marches would help but that is out of my hands. Since Anders is a former circle mage I know it’s possible to avoid getting caught. I’ll send the mages I think are capable of surviving and hope.

Rena is a good candidate. Her ability to go mostly unnoticed will be important. She’s strong willed and she’s intelligent. Even though most of her life has been here in the Gallows I think she’ll stand a good chance. I’m getting a bit eager to have her gone. I don’t know if it’s because of guilt or genuine concern but she’s the only mage that seems to have noticed my changed behavior.

I’m not quite as vocal about the injustices we suffer and I watch the Templars more than I did before. Helping mages escape would have been dangerous enough with Alrik looming over my shoulder. With Karras’ prick constantly up my arse, threatening my well-being if I tell anyone, it adds to the danger. I’m thankful that Karras doesn’t seem to care about what I do as long as I cooperate when he has an urge to sate. As much as I appreciate Rena’s concern I’m pretty sure Karras will follow through with his threat if he thinks I talked. I’m currently at the desk in the library wondering how I can tell her to back off politely without mentioning Karras at all when she comes up to me.

“You should go to the First Enchanter,” she says quietly leaning over the desk.

“Maker no,” I reply in a horrified whisper. “Rena…”

“I know what he’s doing,” Rena interrupts fiercely. “And it’s against the rules.”

“That’s not going to stop him,” I say. “They’ve been breaking rules for years because they can. Please Rena. Don’t say anything.”

“Lee…”

“I’m fine,” I say firmly. I nudge the stack of books at her and she frowns. “Walk with me to supper?”

Rena nods and takes the top two books off of the stack. I glance at the Templars in the doorway and turn back to the papers in front of me. It’s a risk since Anders hasn’t gotten back to me but I’m hoping that offering her escape will get her attention off of me. I spend the rest of the afternoon worrying more than working. We leave the library together and I don’t speak until we’re well past Alrik’s men at the door. I glance around and there’s no one close enough to eavesdrop but I speak quietly anyway.

“Would you like to escape?”

“Of course,” she replies just as softly after a glance around. “What does that have to do with Karras…”

“Rena,” I beg. “Please leave it. You’re going to get me maimed.”

“It’s not right,” Rena says giving me an incredible scowl.

“No it’s not and I hate it,” I say. “There’s nothing we can do from in here. As long as the circles exist mages will always be Templar playthings. Let me help you escape.”

“When,” she asks after a moment.

“I’ll give you details as soon as I get them.”

She nods and starts talking about the irritating way the sections are laid out in the library. I hold in a sigh of relief and let the topic wander. We part after supper and I spend my time afterwards pretending to read a book in the common room while I watch the others. The door of my cell has only been locked for a few minutes that night before Karras steps in.

I freeze in the act of undressing. My robes are unbuttoned and they fall to the floor as terror settles over me. He’s wearing his armor instead of the trousers and tunic he normally shows up in. His weapons are missing but my eyes are glued to the small knife in his hand. I barely register being silenced as I take a small step backwards.

“Turn,” Karras orders grimly. “Hands on your head.”

I turn around quickly trembling as I hear him stepping closer. The metal from his breastplate is cold against my bare back but I hardly feel it. My attention is on his hands. His left unerringly finds my sack and I hold as still as I can as he grips and pulls, his right settling the knife’s edge against my skin.

“Got a few questions for you precious,” Karras whispers in my ear. “Do you want to be made a girl?”

“No Ser,” I reply in a quick breathy whisper.

“Have you been talking?”

“No Ser. Please I haven’t said anything!”

“Then why does Alrik have so many eyes on you?”

“Karl Thekla. We were friends. Ser Alrik thinks I know something but I don’t! Please Ser…” My words are cut off by a groan. He squeezes my balls but the knife disappears. I pant heavily and sag a little when his grip doesn’t let up. My hands are locked together tightly on top of my head and I begin whimpering.

“Don’t you worry precious,” Karras says. “I’ll deal with Alrik. You just make sure to stay quiet.”

“Yes Ser,” I manage through the growing ache in my gut. Finally he lets go of my sack and I can’t hold in a sob of relief.

“You like my cock don’t you precious,” he says stepping away. Seconds later my arse is on fire from a few quick blows from his gauntleted hands.

“I like feeling Ser.”

“Stay just like that. You’ll feel plenty before the nights out.”

After another hard stinging slap on my arse I hear him clanking away. The door shuts moments later but I don’t dare move. I stand there and wait, tears of rage, humiliation and frustration silently coursing down my cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

I’m still sore in the morning when I wake. He spanked me far beyond the point of pain then fucked me hard making sure his trousers irritated my already flaming arse. Before he left I was silenced and mana drained. It was difficult getting to sleep but the demons waiting for me once more bore the brunt of my rage. Rena notices how uncomfortable I am but thankfully she doesn’t say anything.

Two days after Alrik’s men are gone from the doors, replaced by Templars loyal to Karras. That same day Solivitus leaves me a message from Anders. I send a reply the next day and two days after that Rena is gone. There’s a similar fuss with her disappearance that happened with Mharen. Rumors run wild and hunters are sent, sadly not Karras.

Rena’s replacement is one of the Starkhaven mages. He’s little more than a boy, dark skin, black hair and very easy to get along with. Alain seems more than a little shocked by the sheer amount of things the Templars get away with here. He’s learning quickly however.

The hunters come back empty handed a couple of weeks later and a week after another mage disappears. The cycle begins again. With most of the details already figured out Anders’ group has signal set up that I can see from the library window. A red pennant means ‘we’re not ready’ and a green one means ‘let us know who and when’. Solivitus still takes most of the written messages but they’re in code now.

Weeks turn to months and a year flows by. The Templars are irritated by the mages regularly disappearing but nothing has been done about it yet. None of them have been recaptured and brought back to the Gallows however. I haven’t been harassed by Alrik or his thugs since Karras did whatever. I’ve only ended up in the infirmary twice for taking a beating meant for someone else. I don’t want to draw any more attention to myself than necessary.

Karras shows up every three or four days. Since this began I’ve become very grateful that he’s fairly predictable. He still ties my arms, still silences me. I still fight him though only because I don’t like pain. In addition to squeezing my balls and turning my arse raw he’s added twisting my nipples and attaching small clamps to my cock. If he would allow it I’d simply lay there and let him stick his prick in me.

Most of the time he comes into my room at night but I get daytime visits as well. He follows me from the cafeteria or the library and I get pounded up against the door of an empty classroom with my arms wrenched behind my back. Karras has even followed me to the privy a few times. The only break I really get is when he isn’t at the Gallows.

My rage has turned into a smoldering hate. I’m resigned to being his personal fuck toy as long as I have to be. If I ever get a chance I’ll throttle him with his own entrails after I remove his dick and shove it up his arse. I’ve destroyed so many demons in my sleep they don’t bother me much anymore. The only thing that sustains me is getting mages out of this Maker forsaken place.

I really didn’t think I could hate Karras more but he’s managed it. He’s been wandering through the library every day for nearly a week now. It’s always right after breakfast when the library is normally at its emptiest. I’ve been nervous that he’s going to bend me over the desk at some point but he hasn’t. Alain has been extremely nervous lately as well. As I search for the soft whimpering I thought I heard I find out why.

The library is a large square room. The desk sits near the door at one end and there are tables and chairs for studying between the desk and the wall. The card catalogue is in roughly the middle of the room and the shelves are set up in a maze all around it. Sound carries well but it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint. I walk softly through the maze cautiously peeking around the shelves looking for the source of the whimpering.

Towards a back corner of the room I peek around the shelf and what I see sets my blood on fire. Alain is on his knees, Karras’ skirts bunched above his head. Karras, still wearing his gauntlets, has a fistful of hair in each hand. His hips move back and forth quickly, his cock no doubt down Alain’s throat. I step out in full view my hands clenched into fists and my eyes locked on his half opened ones.

Karras sneers at me and the motion of his hips stop, Alain’s face flush against him. One hand moves to the back of his head, holding Alain still. With the other hand Karras points towards the desk. As much as it galls me I turn away and stalk back. I sit watching the direction they’re in, my hands clamped tightly together underneath.

Several minutes later Karras strolls out of the maze and towards the door. He smirks at me and I glare back wanting nothing more than to turn him to ash where he stands. Somehow I resist the urge and he strolls casually out. I hurry back through the maze and find Alain still on his knees, hands on the floor gasping and dry heaving. He startles when I kneel next to him but wraps his arms around me moments later. I hold him, feeling his tears soaking into my robes and I smooth the tangles out of his hair.

“Please don’t say anything,” Alain says when he finally pulls away from me.

“How long has this been going on?” I ask grimly.

“Please Lee,” he says clearly beginning to panic.

“What did he threaten you with?” I ask gripping his shoulders tightly.

“Lee?” says Alain his panic turning to confusion.

“I’ve been his bitch for almost a year and a half now,” I snarl softly. “If he comes at me with a knife this time I’ll take it away cut off _his_ prick and _his_ balls consequences be damned! How long has this been going on?”

“A couple of months,” he says his eyes turning down in shame.

“Maker’s Breath,” I say disgustedly.

“How do you deal with it?” Alain asks desperately.

“By helping mages escape,” I reply quietly. “You’re next.”

His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head a little. “I don’t know anything about the rest of the world.”

“You’ll learn,” I say firmly. “If you stay here it’ll just get worse. Believe me, it’ll get worse.”

Alain slowly nods his head. “What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. If you want to help me, get out. Tell everyone what we suffer and don’t get caught. Keep your chin up. I’ll tell you when it’s time to go.”

“All right.”

The pennant is still red but I expect that to change any time. I don’t know if Alain can adapt out there or not but he’ll be better off regardless. I will not let this boy suffer as I have.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind all previous warnings.

It takes a couple of days but my anger hasn’t waned when he shows up. I’m silenced before he wakes me, his hand covering my mouth as usual. I glare furiously up at him and he smirks back, insufferably smug. He makes a little twirling gesture before removing his hand and I obediently roll over onto my stomach, my arms across the small of my back.

“My ass not good enough anymore,” I hiss furiously turning my head to try and see him.

“Your ass is perfect precious,” he says sounding as smug as he’d looked. “Man likes a little variety now and then.”

My nightshirt is flipped up and I tense, expecting the swat he gives. “How many others have to endure your blighted prick,” I growl through clenched teeth. “Got a girlfriend? Two maybe? Fuck one’s cunt and the other’s tits? Do you do anything but rape us?”

“You’ll get the strap if you keep talking,” Karras says warningly. There’s another stinging slap to my arse.

“Small man with a small cock,” I taunt. “Can’t get it up unless you’ve got mage tied up underneath…ahhh”

I press my face into my pillow to prevent anymore sounds from escaping. The first blow of the leather strap he brings in his little bag of torture items hurts. Karras brings it down on my arse and the back of my thighs over and over. I’m almost numb from knees to waist when he finally stops. I can clearly hear his deep heaving breaths, almost certainly anger and not exertion.

He flips me over like I weigh nothing and yanks the sheet from underneath me. It’s quickly twirled into a long rope and my legs are pushed as close to my chest as he can get them. The sheet is pressed against the backs of my knees and he brings the other end under my head, tying the ends together with a vicious yank. I can feel the strain in my thighs and neck already. Karras slaps my arse with a vicious grin and I don’t bother to hold in a wail.

“You’d better stay quiet precious,” he snarls softly with a tight grip on my sack. I howl again. “Quiet!!”

“No,” I manage weakly. “Go ahead and cut them off. My screams will bring every Templar from this hallway and the next. They’ll see me trussed up like a Feast Day goose and all the welts you gave me. Bleeding with you standing over me, the knife and my balls still in your hand.”

“You brought this on yourself,” Karras says calmly letting go of my sack. Karras disappears from my line of sight. Moments later cloth is being stuffed into my mouth. “I can do what I want precious. And If I want a cunt I’ll fuck a cunt. If I want my cock down Alain’s throat there’s nothing you can do to stop me. You’re going to _feel_ my cock for three days when I’m done tonight. If you try this again you won’t feel _anything_ ever again. Do I make myself clear?”

I nod as much as I’m able.

“Good boy.”

He pats my head and moves away. Karras reappears at my arse, on his knees while tugging on the laces of his trousers. He spits on my hole and I scream when he rams his cock inside me. The cloth muffles every noise I make as he pounds me. His grip on my thighs burns almost as much as his prick does.

I hurt everywhere when he’s finally through. The sheet is untied and fresh pain hits as I unfurl. He drains my mana before untying my arms. Karras leaves without another word. I pull the cloth out of my mouth and lay there looking at the ceiling, numb. When some of my mana regenerates I heal the worst of it. I lay awake all night wondering if I could find my way through those tunnels by myself. I don’t want to endure anymore nights like this one.

In the days that follow the pennant turns green and despite my wanting out, I send Alain anyway. Karras is sent after him and I pray that he isn’t the first returned. In the month of peace that follows I seriously consider telling Anders that I need out. When Karras returns empty handed I’m still there. As much as I want out, I know he’ll just find another mage to rape. Once more I end up cursing my need to help others.

Somehow I manage to keep my fear and anger in check when he enters my room that very night. I let him tie my arms and squirm for him until he squirts. He leaves without uttering a word. The next day I send a message to Anders. The only way Karras will be stopped is by his death. There’s no way I can accomplish that but they just might be able to.

He agrees to meet me and four days later I stand in that same classroom, hiding behind the same cabinet waiting for him. Anders looks exactly as I remember him when he gently closes the door behind him.

“Anders,” I say softly stepping into view.

“Lee,” he says taking a few steps closer. “What’s happening? Do you need out?”

“I’ve been continuously raped for a year and a half,” I say calmly. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. “Just listen.” Anders’ frown is deep and furious but he nods. “I’m not the only one Karras has been fucking. I want him dead by any means necessary.”

“I’ll see to it personally,” Anders says grimly. “Do you need to escape?”

“No. He’ll just pick someone else. And don’t mention my name if you have to tell someone. I’ve been threatened with castration and Tranquility.”

“They will all pay.”

His eyes flash blue and his voice deepens for a moment. I wonder but it’s there and gone so quickly I think I must have imagined it. I step forward pushing it out of my mind. “If you can get all of us out of here first I’ll help you level the Gallows.”

“Give me a description and everything you know of his habits.”

I quickly relate everything I know and leave ten minutes later hoping that Karras will soon be a corpse.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Body Disfigurement**

The nearly two weeks of waiting are excruciating. I endure two more visits from Karras. Anders has sent no message but I know what I’ve asked of him isn’t going to be easy. I continue waiting, hoping that my anger won’t take control again. The fear he instilled in me before Alain escaped has kept me fairly passive so far.

Another mage has been sent through the tunnels. A different hunter was sent after her. Not surprising but I’m still disappointed. The day I hear Karras has suddenly fallen ill I feel like rejoicing. Six days pass and his condition steadily worsens. He dies the seventh day, covered in weeping sores according to an overheard conversation with one of the healers that could do nothing for him. That night I sleep peacefully for the first time in a long while. It doesn’t last. The next morning I’m taken to the dungeons. I’d forgotten about Alrik.

I’m sitting on the stool again, gauntlets digging into my shoulders. Alrik steps out of the shadows looking a little smug. I glare back feeling a lot of things but mostly frightened. He has made many more mages Tranquil since Karl. I find it hard to believe that he’s been watching and waiting this whole time though.

“Ser Karras said some interesting things in his delirious final days,” Alrik says mildly. “He was poisoned you see. Likely from a dart or the tip of a knife. None of the antidotes our healers knew helped.”

“Bloody shame,” I growl.

Alrik gave me a wicked smile. “Still defiant I see.”

He paces back and forth a few steps in front of me, stroking his grey goatee. I watch, fear rising up inside but I’m careful not to show it. Alrik stops suddenly and strides for the door. After a quick conversation with the Templars outside he steps back into the room. My fear mounts the longer he remains silent.

More Templars come into the room and my hands are shackled behind me. I struggle against them but my efforts only earn me a blow to the head. My awareness becomes fuzzy after that. I know they dragged me elsewhere and I remember a cloth being held to my nose and mouth. There’s nothing for a while after that. I don’t know if they put me to sleep somehow but if they did I had no dreams.

The next time I wake I’m in intense pain and I feel very weak. I’m in a bed, the sheets pulled up to my chin. Most of the pain originates at my crotch. Fearfully I check, part of me already knowing. Tears well in my eyes at the bandage I find instead of my balls. Alrik steps into my field of vision, one of the Tranquil hovering behind him.

“It was the least I could do for Ser Karras,” he says calmly. “Please don’t give Vicki any trouble. She will be seeing to your recovery.”

I turn my head slightly and close my eyes. Despair grips me for a while. Gradually my anger returns. I don’t know what Alrik really wants but he hasn’t performed the Rite on me yet. He must not have whatever it is. As long as my mind remains intact I will fight them. I don’t fight the Tranquil that tends the wound. My strength returns quickly and I see her once a day so that she can change the dressing and check the wound.

It’s not completely healed the next time Alrik visits. I’ve lost count of the days but I think at least one week has passed, possibly two. Vicki is the only person I’ve seen the entire time. I’ve looked around my room many times but it is barren. The only furniture is the bed, there are no windows and the only light source is torches that sit on the wall across from the barred door. Wards must prevent magic because I can’t even summon a wisp.

He stands at the door looking at me through the bars. I scoot back on the bed and hug my knees, watching him warily. I have no delusions about beating him in a physical fight. Templars don’t fight fair and my bulk didn’t help me at all with Karras.

“My but you are strong-willed,” he says after a while.

I remain silent, watching.

“We’ll see if solitary confinement will break your spirit.”

For three weeks I see no one. A disembodied arm pushes a tray of food through a slot at the bottom of the door three times a day. I pace my room constantly, avoiding the grate in a corner, and think. Eventually I begin going through bedtime stories my parents would tell me trying to stave off the boredom. When I see Alrik again he looks extremely pleased. I sit on the bed as far away from the door as I can get. I’m not so lonely that his company looks good yet.

“It seems you will be leaving here soon,” he says with a small knowing smile. “Mages have stopped disappearing since you’ve been in here. The Knight-Commander has ordered me to get the names of your conspirators.” My stomach sinks as his smile widens. “You will soon tell me everything.”

He walks away and I spend a moment in complete panic. Before the day is out I’m positive he’ll make me Tranquil. I pace the room with my hands tugging at the ratty mess my hair has become. I’ll answer his every question and betray Anders and Solivitus. I finally settle beside the door, determined to put up a fight when they do arrive. It seems like a very long time I stand there tense and listening intently. What I finally hear is confusing.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” a very familiar voice says rather loudly.

“No I’m not,” another familiar voice says a little softer. “And keep your voice down. Do you want to bring every Templar down here?”

“Carver?” I croak.

“Lee!”

I hear the sound of clanking armor hurrying towards me and I step into the doorway. It’s dim and I can see little more than a silhouette as he blocks the light but it’s definitely my little brother.

“Maker’s Breath,” he says in shock. “What have they done to you?”

“Please,” I beg stepping forward and reaching through the bars. “Get me out of here. He’s going to make me Tranquil!”

“Varric, Isabela,” Carver says in a fierce whisper as he takes my hand.

“Now do you believe me?” Anders asks coldly as he steps into my view.

“Save it magey,” Carver growls back.

“Now’s not the time boys,” a feminine voice says. “Someone should watch the other hallway.” A woman kneels at the door and inspects the lock. “This is too complicated for me.”

“You and Anders watch for Templars,” Carver says authoritatively. “Can you get this open Varric?”

The woman moves away and Anders reluctantly follows. A dwarf is now silhouetted in the doorway along with Carver.

“No problem Junior,” he says confidently.

Moments later the lock clicks and the door swings open. Carver pulls me into a brief but tight hug. I return it delighted but half afraid this is dream.

“Is it really you,” I ask.

“Of course,” he replies irritably. “Come on.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, maybe a tiny bit of comfort.

Our flight through the dungeons is frantic. Carver is ahead of me and Anders is beside me. I focus on Carver, following him but unable to resist the urge to look over my shoulder. The dwarf and the woman bring up the rear. I consistently see nothing behind them. We go through a door and down a set of stairs into a large cavern, through the caverns and into foul smelling tunnels.

The people I can see make me nervous. They glare suspiciously but stay out of Carver’s way. I quickly lose track of where I am in the twists and turns. Carver leads us down a set of stairs to another set that goes back up. There are two doors ahead of us, an unlit lantern between them. Anders hurries to the right door but Carver turns in front of me.

“Stay with Anders,” he orders. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Carver turns and heads to a door I hadn’t seen. He waves at the other two and they follow him through it.

“Lee,” Anders says.

I turn back to the double doors and he’s waving at me. A little confused I hurry after him and stop just inside. The large room is filled with cots and storage spaces. A desk sits to my right and I can see a curtained off area in the back.

“It’s not much,” says Anders apologetically. “You’ll be safe here though. As safe as an apostate can ever be at any rate.”

He walks past me and I follow him to the back. I know why Carver hurried off. As soon as I’m discovered gone the Templars will go straight to him. It’s a little surprising that neither Anders nor Carver seems to be worried about them finding me here.

“What about my phylactery?” I ask quietly.

“We know where they’re kept,” Anders said pulling a tub into the curtained off area. “Yours disappeared shortly after you did. What do they know?”

“Only that mages stopped disappearing,” I reply following him. “I think that’s why Alrik…”

“Alrik?” he says turning to see me. “What about Alrik?”

“When you first approached me he was watching me.”

“I thought Karras was the problem.”

“They both were a problem,” I say sinking down on a cot. “Karras…he was very possessive. He kept Alrik away.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asks softly.

“I forgot. The day after Karras died Alrik took me to the dungeons. Apparently he was delirious…said things.”

I look at my lap and listen to him moving around the small room. Anders sits beside me and rubs my back. “How long were you in solitary?”

“Five or six weeks…maybe seven. I really don’t know. I lost track after…”

“What did he do?”

The tone of his voice is a little frightening. I look at him and he’s frowning, his brows pulled down. I realize that I know next to nothing about this mage I’ve been left with. All I know is what Karl told me. Our notes had to be brief and practical. I have no idea how he’ll react to what Alrik did to me. There must be something in my expression because his softens.

“I haven’t told anyone,” he says delicately. “Not even Carver.”

I glance at the tub and back to Anders. “You’ll see soon enough.”

He nods with a little frown and stands. I watch as he picks through various objects on an overturned crate. The comb he comes up with is offered with a tiny smile. “Here, I’ll fill the tub and heat the water.”

Glad that he didn’t press me for more information, I take the comb and smile back. Silence descends while I carefully work through the tangles in my hair. I’m fairly certain some of it will need to be cut off. I like my hair to be just past my shoulders. Right now it’s halfway down my back and the bottom is nothing but knots. It doesn’t take him long to fill and heat the tub. When he turns to me I’m still struggling with my hair.

“Can you cut it?” I ask.

Anders nods silently and pulls his belt knife. I turn and stare at the wall while he hacks off a good portion of hair. It sits just above my shoulders now but at least I can get my hands through it. Unbuttoning my robes is more difficult than I’d thought it would be. He isn’t watching me but moving around the room looking through crates.

“Here’s the soap,” he says handing me a simple bar of lye soap. Anders looks at my half undone robes and his voice turns soft and gentle. “Would you rather be alone?”

“No,” I reply immediately. The thought of being alone again is very near terrifying.

“If I turn and promise not to look?”

“No…it’s…”

“May I show you something? I’ll need to take off my shirt.”

I nod silently, curious but still mostly nervous. His coat is across the bed in a matter of moments followed quickly by his long shirt. Anders turns and I can’t hold in a gasp of shock. His back is a solid mass of scars. They are all clearly old and faded but visible raised lines crisscrossing from shoulder blades to just above the waist of his trousers. I’m still staring when he speaks.

“I was flogged many times for my escapes. The last flogging was the worst followed by a year in solitary. Whatever it is, I promise I won’t laugh or make fun.” Anders turns and I can see the same deadly serious honesty in his expression that I saw when he made that first promise to me.

“Alrik knew what Karras had threatened me with to keep me silent,” I say as I finish unbuttoning my robes. I work my arms free and close my eyes with my thumbs hooked in the waistband of my small clothes. I push them down and finish in a whisper. “He knew I’d told somebody so he…”

I can’t finish and I clearly hear a shocked gasp.

“Dear Maker,” says Anders in a small horrified tone. “I’m so sorry Lee.”

His hand is at my shoulder and I shuffle forward. Tears are welling at my eyes again as I wrap my arms around him, seeking comfort. I feel his arms around me moments later. We stand like that for a good long while. I’m a little more composed when I pull away.

“Get cleaned up,” Anders says gently. “I’m sure I’ve got some clothes that will fit you around here somewhere.”

“Thank you,” I say gratefully. “I’m glad you came after me.”

“I’m sorry I took too long.”

“My mind hasn’t been sundered,” I reply with a small smile. “That’s good enough.”


	12. Chapter 12

It was hours before Carver beat on the locked doors. Anders had put his shirt back on and found me some trousers and a shirt. I feel a little better now that I don’t look like I’ve been living in a cave. We spent the time in between talking. Anders explained how he’d gotten to Kirkwall, about the spirit Justice and how he thought he corrupted the spirit. It’s frightening to think this man might be an abomination but I do trust him. He’s been nothing but helpful and sympathetic.

We’re sitting in the main room when Carver pounds on the door. Panic rises immediately and I reach for my magic. Anders holds his hand out in a wait gesture, frowning. Carver yells through the door and pounds on it again. He stands and goes to the doors grumbling irritably. I don’t calm until I actually see my brother. His armor is gone and instead he’s wearing what looks to me like red pajamas.

“What have you been doing?” Carver asks irritably as he comes up to me. “Bloody Templars are in an uproar.”

“Helping mages escape,” I growl. “I wish I could free every one of them.”

Carver scowls at Anders and he glares back. He turns back to me and sighs. “Is that why you were in solitary?”

“More or less,” I reply vaguely. I have no intentions of telling him what’s been happening for nearly two years. There’s a good possibility that Carver will eventually see what Alrik did but I’ll postpone that for as long as I can.

He scowls at me and says, “You’re not going to tell me are you.”

“No. I’m not. You’re temper’s worse than mine.”

That makes him frown and I meet his gaze unflinchingly. “Fair enough,” he says evenly after a moment. Carver turns to Anders and asks in the same even tone, “Your people took care of his phylactery?”

“They did,” Anders says calmly.

“You have two options,” Carver says.

“Stay here or flee,” I say. “How dangerous would it be if I stayed?”

“You’d have to stay down here,” Anders says. “Templars are normally everywhere up there but they don’t come to Darktown that often.”

“I’d like to stay,” I say after a moment. “I don’t know how I could help but I want to.”

“You’re welcome to stay with me,” Anders says with a small smile. “There’s a passage in the back that leads out of Kirkwall. Help me in the clinic and the refugees will probably protect you like they do me.”

“My healing skills are pretty basic but I’m a quick study,” I say returning his smile.

“Mother knows you’ve escaped,” Carver says softly. “I didn’t tell her I helped or that I know where you’re at. She’s…pretty worried. When things settle down maybe you could come see her?”

“Let her know I’m okay at least.” I take a step towards him and look at my feet for a moment. “I don’t blame her either.”

Carver nods and pulls me into a fierce hug. He pulls away before I have a chance to react. “I should get back up there.” I nod and watch him turn to Anders. “I probably won’t come around for a while. They’ll be watching me.”

“We’ll be fine,” Anders says confidently.

He turns to the door and looks back before opening it. “I’m glad you’re out of there.”

“So am I,” I say softly.

Carver nods again and steps out, closing the door behind him. I sink down onto the nearest cot and scrub my face while he locks the door. There’s a lot to get used to, like the lack of facial hair growth. I honestly don’t know how I can help but I’ll do whatever I can to get every mage out of the Gallows. 


End file.
